I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
