I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
50% drunk capacity currently
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
