so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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