Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
