Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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