I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
