Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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