did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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