Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
