to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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