Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
