literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
