she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
