I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
