i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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