i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
