By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
