Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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