My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
