He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
