I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
