is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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