He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
what day is it and did you see me today?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
