True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
