fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
