Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
