Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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