I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
