I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
