I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
