and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
