all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
