why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
