U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
