I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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