If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
