Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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