i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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