I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
