Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so let's talk penis.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
