doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
