Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
