I showed him my bush... on skype.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
