He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
