smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
