She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
