Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
