Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
