I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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