did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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